Wilkie’s Rules For Riders

HARWINTON, CT – In perusing Facebook this morning, I came across a sponsored post for a company selling a T-shirt that has “Gibbs’ Rules” printed on the back. Gibbs, of course, is the character played by Mark Harmon on the CBS television series “N.C.I.S.”

Over the seasons, special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs has passed along numerous rules to his subordinates. Rule #39 is “There is no such thing as a coincidence,” which must mean that it was preordained that the post would pop up and provide column fodder.

Back in my days as a TV columnist, I once interviewed Harmon. At the time, he was the spokesman for Coors beer and he came to “The Arizona Republic” in Phoenix for a one-on-one chat. Female staffers swooned. He was genuinely nice guy, a true example of what you see is what you get. Somewhere here I still have a Coors hat that he autographed and gave me.

Getting back to the T-shirt, it got me pondering if a similar list of rules might be compiled for motorcycling. Some ideas quickly popped to mind. Let’s call them “Wilkie’s Rules” since that’s a nickname that folks have sometimes called me.

So, here goes with Wilkie’s Rules for riders:

#1 Never drink and ride

#2 If you forget to bring along rain gear, it will likely rain. (Just because I’ve made up a rule doesn’t mean that I necessarily adhere to it. Confession: I don’t own rain gear.)

#3 Having several pairs of riding gloves is a wise idea. (See rule #2)

#4 If you suspect your helmet is so old that it needs replacing, it probably is. (Hint, hint, Bud.)

#5 If someone protests loudly that he/she is a competent rider, the person probably isn’t.

#6 Sore butt, bad seat.

#7 Never argue with a “Loud Pipes Save Lives” proponent.

#9 It’s always better to ride your own ride than to try and match someone else’s.

#11 Coffee first, then ride.

#12 Getting lost is OK. It’s the ride, not the destination.

#13 When riding with others, always know the end point in case you get separated.

#14 Odds are you will lose a friend or know someone who has a bad crash. Learn from their experiences.

#17 Be visible.

#19 Assume other motorists don’t see you.

#20 Never waste a sunny day.

#22 Motorcyclists know the best places to eat.

#23 There are two ways to follow someone. Too closely or the right distance.

#27 Be polite to the state trooper/police officer who has stopped you.

#28 Want to make friends? Just ask a rider about their bike.

#30 Push your skills, but not too much.

#31 If you’re tired, don’t ride.

#32 If you’re mad, don’t ride.

#33 If you’re distracted, don’t ride.

#37 If it’s old, it’ll break.

#38 Make friends with someone who owns a trailer.

#41 Never pass a gas station if the “low fuel” light is glowing.

#45 If you get a “false neutral,” it’s your own fault.

#46 Bug splatters on your bike are harder to remove if you wait.

#49 Never laugh if someone’s bike topples over.

#51 Sometimes – you just screw up.

Any others?